Friday, May 9, 2008

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

According to the upfront title card, the trailer for Beverly Hills Chihuahua was approved by the MPAA for "all audiences." There's clearly been a mistake. All audiences is pretty broad. It includes the young and old, the rich and poor, and every shape, size and color in between. And I assure you, this trailer isn't fit for any of the above.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua is Disney's latest forey into steaming bullshit that even children can't appreciate. The trailer begins with a sweeping, overhead shot of the ancient Aztec empire. Majestic Mesoamerica: the falls, the mountains, the stone step pyramids. Then, we hear the raspy drawl of a narrator: "My name is Bobby. I am descended from an ancient line of proud warriors. My ancestors went into battle alongside Aztec soldiers... " So we're clear, your great, great, great, great, great grandfather was named Montezuma, but your name is Bobby? Questionable, at best.

Shortly thereafter, we find out Bobby is a chihuahua. And then we learn he and his kin have infiltrated the highest rungs of society--the elite of Beverly Hills, apparently--before breaking into a creepy synchronized dance routine slash salsa/rap song. And that's about all I can tell you, because my eyes started watering, and I think I had a mild brain aneurysm.

The MPAA may approve of this trailer, but don't. You should probably sit down for this.



When I came to, thinking hoping it was all a bad dream, I decided to investigate. I assured myself it was just an elaborate hoax. But then I came across the poster for the film. And read the tagline: 50% warrior. 50% lover. 100% Chihuahua. That's when I 100% considered jumping out of my office's 8th floor window.


I guess the only question is, what will they think of next? Oh, that's right, Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2.

9 comments:

Jenni said...

I...I....I can't even think of what to say, because I just had a mild stroke. Why Disney, Why?

And why are they encouraging lifestyles of Paris Hilton and other "Elite" to young, impressionable children? I'd rather they watch Dr.Dolittle 5, or Land Before Time 18: Littlefoot falls into the Tarpit".
Remember when movies were good and carefully made? Do I smell a sequel, or just a number 2?

Monica Hamburg said...

OMG. This is way too painful. Why, I ask you, WHY?!!!

Darryl D said...

Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2: Bobby's Tail (Tale)

"This summer, this rolling stone gathers NO MAS!"

Jenni said...

Darryl, you get a peanut for your witty comment. :)

Is this thing still planning to run?

Anonymous said...

His name is Poppi!!!!! NOT Bobby, gesh. If you are going to complain at least take the time to get the dogs name right. This is made for kids so get over it.

Jenni said...

So, I've been seeing this trailer everywhere, and I can't believe that this movie was made with real actors who take it like a serious movie....poor George Lopez getting typecasted....=\

Jenny said...

this film looks so funny! the best movie disney has made in ages without pixar. it looks amazing... viva chihuahuas!!!

Lucy said...

this movie is so good it's funny and all the members of the family can go to see it

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