Thursday, April 9, 2009

In the year 2000...

In honor of Conan's impending West Coast debut, here's my take on his famous bit "In the Year 2000..." (You'll just have to imagine La Bamba's awesome falsetto.)

In the year two thousand...

The world will come to view the capacity for canine intellect in a new light when internal memos surface proving “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” was written and directed by actual Chihuahuas.

In the year two thousaaaaaaaaaaand...

The Chicago Cubs will finally win the World Series, moments before giant locusts swarm the stadium and decimate the city.

In the year two thousand...

Captain Hook will confess that he is a pedophile. Which doesn’t really explain the hook, but sure explains why he lives on an island filled with unsupervised children.

In the year two thousaaaaaaaaaaand...

Bristol Palin will announce the birth of her third child "Turnip Bang-Bang Stick Check Palin" during an appearance on her mother’s daytime talk show, “The Asinine View”.

In the year two thousand...

In an unprecedented cross-promotional media blitz, The Department of Defense will collaborate with Burger King for the launch of the “Pentagonal Quintuple Stack Draft Burger”. The five-sided, five-patty burger will come with large fries, a Coke, and a government issued draft card.

In the year two thousaaaaaaaaaaand...

On a dare, Larry King will be asked to take off his suspenders. Not wanting to back down on live television, he agrees, immediately regretting the choice as his skin and bones collapse into a pile of dust.

In the year two thousand...

Scientists will determine that apples have no special ability to keep doctors away; malpractice suits, however, seem to do the trick.

In the year two thousaaaaaaaaaaand...

An entry from L. Ron Hubbard’s long-lost diary will reveal that he made Scientology up to spite Hollywood for passing on his screenplay, “Xenu: Intergalactic Overlord”.

In the year two thousand...

San Diego will be become the most populace city in the U.S. after the Tijuana Chamber of Commerce airs a controversial Super Bowl ad showing the softer side of Donkey Shows.

1 comment:

kk said...

Nice. I was wondering when these would get to see the light of day. I would totally watch a show comprised solely of 'In the Year 2000' bits.