Tuesday, November 20, 2007

What the Chuck?

What follows is a chronological account of my inner monologue during this video:

2 Seconds: I wonder if I could eat just one Lay's potato chip?
5 Seconds: Oh, fuck. Mike Huckabee.
8 Seconds: Hey! It's chuck Norris...
9 Seconds: Did he just say Chuck Norris?
13 Seconds: Wait, is Chuck Norris seriously your fucking plan to save the borders?
26 Seconds: Wow... he is serious.
36 Seconds: Did he just say that with a straight face?
47 Seconds: When was the last time Chuck Norris told America "how it's gonna be?" The Total Gym commercial? The only people who still like Chuck Norris are the 14 year old boys who tell Chuck Norris jokes, like the dumb one you just said about push-ups. And they can't even vote.
53 Seconds: Why?
55 Seconds: Really, Chuck?
59 Seconds: I'm moving to Canada.


Monica Hamburg said...

Wow! Thanks for that, Evan. I had a similar inner monologue, though, without the last revelation (as I, fortunately, already live in Canada :)

Other thoughts that occurred to me were at:

about 5 seconds: WTF?!

22 seconds: A hunter, huh? Quails?

25 seconds: Oh! That's where the Family Guy thing came from.

40 seconds: A principled, authentic conservative? I've come to see that as an oxymoron. Pardon my cynicism but I await Huckabee's involvement in a threesome with another man, a latex facemask, and, if I'm lucky, a wetsuit.

44 seconds: Wow, I'm back in the 80s - fan-tastic!

59 seconds: WTF?

Evan said...

Very funny, Monica. I think those thoughts came to all of us?

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