Monday, June 23, 2008

Basement Sex

You know who should really be teaching minors about sex? JCPenney.



Not a great commercial. But it would have made an excellent safe sex PSA. I imagined it saying something like, "Even if you don't get caught, you might get burned." And then some really depressing shit about how syphilis feels like a tiny dragon is living in your urethra. Instead, it resolved on a heartwarming tagline: "Every Day Matters." Which doesn't really have anything to do with 14-year-olds humping (but it's a whole lot safer than their old line "It's All Inside.") I'm counting triple entendre... at least.

My point is, the whole message is dubious. I don't remember JCPenney's clothes being particularly easy to get in and out of. Except for maybe those JNCO jeans, but that's 'cause you could fit your entire body in one of the pant legs. And the only similarity between having sex in your parent's basement and shopping at JCPenney -- so far as I can see -- is the fact that if you fuck on a musty couch for long enough, you're bound to get some pennies lodged between your ass cheeks. And then, theoretically, you could use your ass pennies to shop at JCPenney. Which is kind of nice, if you think about it. It sort of brings the whole campaign full circle.

6 comments:

kk said...

THESE PENNIES HAVE BEEN IN MY ASS.

Evan said...

"you stick pennies up your ass for confidence, that's not having it together."

for those who missed the reference:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feZeOnEzs98

Jenni said...

What. The. Fuck.


This is why America is so fucked up. Our ignorant little youth is watching this crap in commercials, tv, movies, music and magazines.

A large percentage of the world needs to be sterilized and give the world a chance to become less fucked up. Namely immature teens who do this stuff, and most college students, too. Or castrated. Whichever gets the message across.

Monica Hamburg said...

Wow. I have no idea where they were going with in that commercial. JC Penny - Start having sex early because "Every Day Matters"... ? Maybe they're going the Kenneth Cole ad/activism route: "Lower the age of consent". Otherwise, I got nothing.

Evan said...

video's gone

here's a link...

http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/speed%2Bdressing/video/x5vh74_jc-penny-speed-dressing_fun

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