Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Good Christian Values

Sarah Palin talks a lot about two things—Real America and Christian values. Unfortunately, she has no conception of either. She acts as if Jesus would have loved America; like he would have come to fucking Wasilla on vacation.

Let me tell you something. If Jesus ever came to America, first he’d wonder why half of the people who say they love him so much watch Nascar all day, and have absolutely no clue what he actually taught. Then, he’d be like, “Fuck this place, I’m going to Canada.”

Sarah Palin and Jesus have about as much in common as that bear from the Snuggles fabric softener commercials has with Jeffery Dahmer. And I'll prove it...

In Matthew 5:40, Jesus said:
“And if any man will try to take away your coat, let him have your cloak also.”

In a Neiman Marcus department store, Sarah Palin said:
“Oooh, gosh, a Louis Vuitton coat? That’s nifty. Let me have the matching bag.”

In Luke 14:13, Jesus said:
“When you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you.”

In a rally, Palin said:
“When you give tax cuts, also, too, make sure to give ‘em to Joe the Plumber, Bobby the Investment Banker, and Abdullah the Saudi Oil Baron, and you will be blessed, because they’ll fund your run for president in 2012!”

In Matthew 5:44, Jesus said:
“I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despite-fully use you, and persecute you.”

In a TV interview, Sarah Palin said:
“I say unto that Hussein Obama guy, stop pallin’ around with terrorists all the time. Pretty lame. Plus, also, I don't want my kids—Trig, Track, Piper, Fork, Crispy and Zamboni—growing up with that one as their president."

As a side note, remember in the Bible where Jesus was all like, "love thy neighbor" and "do unto others" and stuff? I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure he didn't mean "fly around in a helicopter and shoot defenseless wolves with a high-powered rifle."

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your site has me increasingly confused about its own political affiliations. I'm beginning to think this site is anything but politically neutral. Is this a liberal thing in disguise? Sure the quality of the writing is fantastic, but what ever happened to old-fashioned non-partisan journalism?

Rob said...

Sounds non-partisan to me! Just promise that next time Obama decides that the most pressing issue facing us is dehydrated babies you'll do a post on it, ok? Or when he pays a make-up artist more than his foreign policy adviser, or when he picks a third grader as his running mate... Keep it up E. We're all glad you're back!

Evan said...

rel-- non-partisan journalism? what the hell do you think this is -- fair and balanced? -- this ain't fox, buddy. plus, you may recall when i outed obama as a crack smoking gigolo?no?

heather and rob-- i'll keep you guys posted! when obama talks about dehydrated babies, i will so be johnny on the spot. and, thanks, good to be back.

Anonymous said...

Hi !.
might , perhaps curious to know how one can collect a huge starting capital .
There is no initial capital needed You may commense earning with as small sum of money as 20-100 dollars.

AimTrust is what you haven`t ever dreamt of such a chance to become rich
The company represents an offshore structure with advanced asset management technologies in production and delivery of pipes for oil and gas.

It is based in Panama with offices around the world.
Do you want to become really rich in short time?
That`s your choice That`s what you wish in the long run!

I`m happy and lucky, I started to get income with the help of this company,
and I invite you to do the same. If it gets down to choose a correct companion utilizes your money in a right way - that`s the AimTrust!.
I earn US$2,000 per day, and what I started with was a funny sum of 500 bucks!
It`s easy to get involved , just click this link http://jifobizi.kogaryu.com/otufahut.html
and lucky you`re! Let`s take our chance together to get rid of nastiness of the life

Anonymous said...

Good day !.
You re, I guess , probably very interested to know how one can make real money .
There is no need to invest much at first. You may begin earning with as small sum of money as 20-100 dollars.

AimTrust is what you thought of all the time
AimTrust incorporates an offshore structure with advanced asset management technologies in production and delivery of pipes for oil and gas.

It is based in Panama with offices everywhere: In USA, Canada, Cyprus.
Do you want to become a happy investor?
That`s your chance That`s what you really need!

I`m happy and lucky, I began to get income with the help of this company,
and I invite you to do the same. It`s all about how to choose a correct companion utilizes your savings in a right way - that`s AimTrust!.
I take now up to 2G every day, and my first investment was 500 dollars only!
It`s easy to get involved , just click this link http://yquwaroj.jamminweb.com/sajulunu.html
and lucky you`re! Let`s take our chance together to become rich

Anonymous said...

Hello !.
You re, I guess , perhaps curious to know how one can reach 2000 per day of income .
There is no initial capital needed You may begin to receive yields with as small sum of money as 20-100 dollars.

AimTrust is what you haven`t ever dreamt of such a chance to become rich
The firm incorporates an offshore structure with advanced asset management technologies in production and delivery of pipes for oil and gas.

It is based in Panama with structures around the world.
Do you want to become a happy investor?
That`s your chance That`s what you wish in the long run!

I`m happy and lucky, I began to get real money with the help of this company,
and I invite you to do the same. It`s all about how to choose a correct partner utilizes your money in a right way - that`s the AimTrust!.
I earn US$2,000 per day, and what I started with was a funny sum of 500 bucks!
It`s easy to start , just click this link http://gyfivetety.arcadepages.com/kyqibawa.html
and lucky you`re! Let`s take this option together to become rich

Anonymous said...

Hi!
You may probably be very curious to know how one can manage to receive high yields on investments.
There is no initial capital needed.
You may commense to get income with a money that usually goes
on daily food, that's 20-100 dollars.
I have been participating in one project for several years,
and I'll be glad to let you know my secrets at my blog.

Please visit my pages and send me private message to get the info.

P.S. I make 1000-2000 per day now.

[url=http://theblogmoney.com] Online investment blog[/url]

Anonymous said...

Hi there!
I would like to burn a theme at here. There is such a nicey, called HYIP, or High Yield Investment Program. It reminds of financial piramyde, but in rare cases one may happen to meet a company that really pays up to 2% daily not on invested money, but from real profits.

For several years , I earn money with the help of these programs.
I'm with no money problems now, but there are heights that must be conquered . I get now up to 2G a day , and my first investment was 500 dollars only.
Right now, I managed to catch a guaranteed variant to make a sharp rise . Turn to my blog to get additional info.

[url=http://theinvestblog.com] Online investment blog[/url]

Anonymous said...

Hello!
You may probably be very interested to know how one can make real money on investments.
There is no need to invest much at first.
You may begin to get income with a money that usually goes
for daily food, that's 20-100 dollars.
I have been participating in one project for several years,
and I'm ready to share my secrets at my blog.

Please visit my pages and send me private message to get the info.

P.S. I earn 1000-2000 per day now.

http://theinvestblog.com [url=http://theinvestblog.com]Online Investment Blog[/url]

Anonymous said...

Good day!

For sure you didn’t here about me yet,
my name is Peter.
Generally I’m a venturesome gambler. all my life I’m carried away by online-casino and poker.
Not long time ago I started my own blog, where I describe my virtual adventures.
Probably, it will be interesting for you to find out how to win not loose.
Please visit my blog. http://allbestcasino.com I’ll be glad would you find time to leave your opinion.