Matt Damon is scared of Sarah Palin. And not because she reminds him of a pit bull. No, he's afraid that if John McCain wins the election, he'll die of old age as he's being sworn in, and the U.S. will be left in the hands of a woman who thinks dinosaurs roamed the earth alongside humans.
But just because Sarah Palin doesn't understand things like fossils, or the obvious genetic differences between dogs and hockey moms, does not mean she should be feared. In fact, to her credit, in the historical town of Bedrock, cavemen rode brontosauruses like horses. They had saddles and everything. So the jury's still out on that one... even though Sarah Palin probably doesn't know what a jury is, and definitely can't name a single Supreme Court case aside from Roe v. Wade.
You know what though? I can let all that slide. My real issue, honestly, is that Sarah Palin went to college for journalism, and claims to have perused "a vast variety of sources," but somehow, cannot name a single magazine or newspaper that she has ever read.
See it, and weep:
There you have it. Would-be journalist/could-be vice president, Sarah Palin, can't name a single newspaper. Luckily, I can name six newspapers, and I have a hunch which one she's been reading this whole time. It's called The Onion. Apparently, "America's Finest News Source."
All I have to say is, good luck with the debate. And by "the debate", of course, I mean good luck pronouncing "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad" on live television. It's way harder than "The Onion."