If you're married, but have an exigent urge to cheat on your spouse, look no further than the Ashley Madison Agency. It's just like match.com... only for home wreckers. With 1.7 million members, I think it's safe to say, the oft touted "sanctity of marriage" has been officially demoted on the totem-pole of righteousness. For those of you keeping track, it can now be found just below the "sanctity of calling shotgun" to claim the front seat in the car. But that's neither here nor there. The real story is Ashley Madison's slogan: When Monogamy Becomes Monotony.
It's perfect. But it got me to thinking: what if all online dating sites (even the really creepy, niche ones; ok, who am I kidding, just the really creepy, niche ones) had better taglines?
Well, in honor of St. Valentine, albeit five days late, I give you: The Top Ten Weirdest Online Dating Websites (and what their slogans should've been.)
Current Slogan: Where the classy, attractive and affluent meet.
New Slogan: Where shameless gold diggers meet clueless rich dudes.
Current Slogan: The world's largest site for adult babies, adult diapers, diaper fetish, infantilism, plastic pants and adult baby clothes.
New Slogan: Hey, you shit in your pants too? Let's go out!
Date My Pet
Current Slogan: Date Me. Date My Pet.
New Slogan: We can't openly condone bestiality, but you get the idea.
Current Slogan: Farmers, Ranchers, Ag Students & all of Agriculture, Horse, Livestock Owners & all Animal Lovers, Cowboys, Cowgirls, Rodeo Fans and Country Wannabes
New Slogan: Two words: barn sex.
Meet An Inmate
Current Slogan: Lonely Attractive Inmates in the USA Seek Penpals
New Slogan: Experience the joy of prison companionship (minus the painful anal rape.)
Current Slogan: Where tall friends and singles feel at home!
New Slogan: Because you’d crush normal-sized-people.
Current Slogan: Boldly eschewing the shackles of conventional popularity, Nerd Passions is a place to embrace your nerdiness!
New Slogan: (Pretty much anything in Elfish and/or Klingon will do.)
H-Date (Herpes Dating)
Current Slogan: Time to starting dating again...
New Slogan: Join the ceespool!
Current Slogan: Find your smokin' match.
New Slogan: Because no one else really understands Funions.
Current Slogan: A community to meet the "Right" person.
New Slogan: Being wrong about everything never felt so "Right".