Confused Voter: Hi, my polling station is closed.
Elections Official: Yes, that's correct. The primary is on the 12th.
Confused Voter: So where do I go?
Elections Official: You don't go anywhere. The primary is on the 12th, Ma'am.
Confused Voter: The 12th what?
Elections Official: Um. The 12th of February.
Confused Voter: But it's Super Tuesday!
Elections Official: Ugh... Listen, Ma'am, here's what I'll do. Just tell me who you want to vote for, and I'll add it to the list.
Confused Voter: Really?
Elections Official: Sure. Why not.
Confused Voter: Okay, then. Mike Huckabee!
Elections Official: Okee-dokey. You're all set.
Confused Voter: Oh, good. Really?
Elections Official: Nope.
Believe it or not, the voters of Florida make that caller look like a Rhodes Scholar. The Sunshine State's Election Board fielded over 100 calls yesterday. Which is funny, because Florida already voted. Last week. Just try telling that to the decrepit, hobbling, Alzheimer's patients, eager to partake in Super Tuesday's electoral festivities. The worst part: half of them still think their favorite New Yorker, Rudolph-No-Neck-Giuliani, is in the race. Oh, well. There's always
Oh wait. They'll all be dead.
 Oh, I mean fake transcript.