Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Tourettes Commentary

After a two game losing streak, the Boston Celtics have fallen to a dismal 30-6, a mere 10-and-a-half games above Toronto in the Atlantic division. I’m no expert, but I don’t think the Celtics have been 10 games ahead of another team since Grover Cleveland was president.

Whom can we thank for this success? The answer is not what you might think. Watch this 30-second highlight reel from ESPN to find out. (Note: the answer comes about 27-seconds in.)



MITT ROMNEY!? Why the hell did he just yell "Mitt Romney" when Garnett threw down a dunk? Granted, he’s the former governor of Massachusetts... but Mitt Romney? When Garnett dunks? I just don't see the correlation between the whitest presidential nominee ever, and a 7-foot black man.

That's why I've come up with this comprehensive list of which candidate’s name ESPN announcers must shout illogically during Sportscenter, and when.


In tennis, an errant serve nearly kills the line judge: Hillary Clinton

When the only black guy in the NHL scores: Barack Obama

Bob Knight throws a chair and/or strangles a player, opposing coach, or referee: Fred Thompson

Two (or more) outfielders collide, missing the ball; a go-ahead run scores: John Edwards

A fat NFL lineman hobbles off the field with an ankle sprain: Mike Huckabee

In NASCAR, when there's a horrible car accident: Ron Paul

A golfer decimates a nest full of baby birds when his drive goes off course: Rudy Giuliani

In figure skating, when someone executes a flawless triple-toe-loop, then flubs a simple lutz: Dennis Kucinich

Brett Favre suffers a concussion, comes to, and thinks he's on Star Search: John McCain

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