For some reason, Santa Claus strikes fear into the hearts of young children. There is plenty of documented evidence. But why Santa?
Maybe it's because the only thing creepier than a child molester, is a child molester with a white beard and a red onesie?
Or maybe it's because everyone says he lives in the North Pole, but it's quite clear he's been sleeping in an abandoned warehouse in a pool of his own excrement.
Or maybe, just maybe, it's because he cackles maniacally when small children writhe in his arms, petrified that they may never escape.
Whatever it is, one thing is clear. Nothing says Christmas like innocent children beset with unadulterated terror. Well, that and showing A Christmas Story on TBS twelve times in a row. But we all know, if it weren't for Ralphie's tormented childhood, there wouldn't be much of a story.