A Web Of Lies

As the current campaign for the presidency devolves into a series of baseless attacks, the need for a just, swift resolution is at hand. That’s why, in lieu of upcoming debates, Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama must fight to the death on the White House lawn. The victor will receive a Congressional Medal of Honor, the democratic nomination and a free Biggie-sized fries and fountain drink from Wendy’s.

According to USA Today, Sen. Clinton has cited statements made by Sen. Obama when he was a kindergartner in an effort to deflate his credibility. Here’s the skinny. When Obama was 5 years old, like 42 years ago, he wrote an essay about how he wanted to be the President. Therefore, his claim that he hasn’t been plotting a presidential run for years, according to Hilary, is a sinister, deceptive lie.

First of all, what the hell kind of 5-year-old writes essays? When I was in kindergarten I could barely read. Looking back, the only things I’d mastered were nose picking, nap-time and pissing in my pants. And I never gave much credence to silly things like future aspirations. I just assumed somewhere along the line I’d be tainted by radioactive waste and develop supernatural powers.

I’m still waiting.

Just remember, the campaign trail is no place for trivial bickering or crazy, unsubstantiated allegations. Oh, and before I forget, Barak Obama is an alien.


And Hilary Clinton will never be the first female president. Because she’s a man.