Monday, December 31, 2007

The Real Y2K

Amid frightening Y2K predictions, the world rang in the new millennium with much apprehension. The year 2000, it was said, would be the end of the world as we knew it. All sorts of hellish, apocalyptic predictions would come to fruition. There would be plagues and pestilence. Floods and Flavor Flav. Some even said the anti-Christ would pop out from behind the ball in Times Square like a Jack-in-the-box. But most importantly, all of the world's computers would reset to 1900, bank accounts would disappear, and humankind would swiftly cease to exist.

It turns out--save a few lunatics in Iowa with tin-foil-hats and a lifetime supply of non-perishable food--nothing really happened. Well, maybe the anti-Christ part...

...but at least my savings account was intact.

But what about 2008? Could something happen this year? Or next? I can tell you right now, the answer is no. But there is something they're not telling you about. And it will affect the lives of every man, woman and child... forever.

You see, in 2000, something did happen. It has been with us ever since. And it will be with us again tonight. Yes. I'm talking about the glasses. The god-forsaken New Years glasses with two-zeros for eye-holes that make person who wears them look like an A-hole.

But guess what? In two short years, just as quickly as they were thrust upon us, they will be taken away forever (unless you live to see the year 3000.) It's the Y2K10 Bug--and NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT! We must spread the word before it's too late. So if you see someone wearing 2008 glasses tonight, tell them to enjoy them while they last. I predict, here and now, that the 2009 New Years glasses will sell out faster than the iPhone--because after that, unless you're a fucking cyclops, New Years will never be the same.


Anonymous said...

kcif the only thing that pisses you off about people ringing in the new year happily is glasses with holes, then you are a massive prick. you have no idea why the world welcome a new year, more less, deserve a new year. really, we dont deserve one. the way that humans treat each other, due to racial, political, religious, etc. shit that really means nothing in the end. its sickening. the way that all homosapiens treat each other makes med feel sick that i hace uber job security in defense(take it as you will). there should be no need for people like myself in the world. the fact that there is a need for us still, in this "age of learned men" is proof that we are still nothing more than animals that just need to feed off the weak.

Evan said...

But Hoboween doesn't bother you?

Lighten up Skipper.

Monica Hamburg said...

I think the comment:
"there should be no need for people like myself in the world" oddly makes his point so accurately.

Evan said...

Haha... so true. I also wasn't aware we were in the "age of learned men". I certainly don't subscribe to it, if we are.

Anonymous said...

2010 glasses are possible...just put the 1 in between the eyes

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