Overcompensating

Whenever a short dude acts like a jackass, the phrase "Napoleon Complex" is bandied about. And when a guy owns a Bowflex and drives a Hummer, naturally, he's got a small penis. But no one ever seems to talk about the bald man/facial hair complex. I suppose, when a trend approaches ubiquity, it's quickly forgotten. But ask yourself, when's the last time you saw a bald man without facial hair?

There are so few bald men (with the exception of professional athletes) who don't have facial hair, it's almost impossible to think of one. To the best of my knowledge there are only two on the face of the planet. Steve Wilkos, the bodyguard from the Jerry Springer Show (who looks like a big retarded baby) and that deformed guy in Goonies who was locked in the basement begging for candy bars (who, for all intents and purposes, is a big retarded baby.) By the way, I'm not counting that ridiculous patch of peach-fuzz on top of Baby-Ruth's head as hair. I've decided the errant follicles are more the exception than the rule.


Now I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong. Howie Mandel does not count. He has a soul patch, which is considered facial hair, despite the well documented fact that it looks much more like his lower lip is going through late-stage puberty.

I don't really know where I was going with any of this. But I do know that if bald men don't grow facial hair they stand the chance of being compared to mentally challenged infants on second-rate blog. And a very good chance, at that, so long as I'm around.

I was literally just about to post this, when I thought of another bald white man without facial hair. And then I realized Mr. Clean is not a real person.